Beauty in their laughter.
My heart bursts with love for each one of them.
Such a blessing to be a part of their lives.
I’m glad I took a break from chores today to play a simple game of Life.
What a joy!
In 10 years I won’t remember the mess of the day or what I should of been doing…no I’ll remember the laughs, the silliness, the love.
Don’t miss out on the precious moments given from the One above!!
Beauty in their laughter.
My heart bursts with love for each one of them.
Such a blessing to be a part of their lives.
I’m glad I took a break from chores today to play a simple game of Life.
What a joy!
In 10 years I won’t remember the mess of the day or what I should of been doing…no I’ll remember the laughs, the silliness, the love.
Don’t miss out on the precious moments given from the One above!!
My heart is full.
What a joy these 5 are to my soul!
A breath of fresh air.
I enjoyed every moment of watching them sled, laugh, and act silly today.
They make me youger, if I will allow them to. Today I did…I joined right in!
I enjoyed sledding, eating snow, drinking hot chocolate with snowman marshmallows, the Life game, snowcones and popcorn!
My heart felt light and happy.
I thanked God.
I feel light and happy.
My heart is full!!
The joy of who I was in the past rings. As I look at this photo I remember a once free girl who loved life, her Jesus and lived! I never cared what others thought of me, I fought for the underdog, I had big dreams. Yet somewhere along the path of life, I took the safe path, the path I thought I should.
I refused to leap. I wanted to be good.
Now I look back on missed years. I look into the mirror to see a reflection of someone I barely know. A ghost of me.
My joy has depleted in so many ways.
How do I return or better yet become the girl, full of life wearing a poufy skirt bouncing around loving Jesus? The girl I’m meant to be.
The girl who looks at life, eyes open wide, ready to rush out with a heart full of love!!!!
As I sit here tonight, in my little country kitchen staring at beautiful local hand crafted cabinets, grape wallpaper, an eggshell hutch filled with labeled old tin sugar, flour, cornmeal cans, and a menu chalkboard labeling the weekly meals hanging on the wall; cant get more country than that. And I actually do live in the country so maybe its extra country? Anywhoo, as sit here, I have a hot cup of tea, some sweet tea cooling on the counter, some frozen homemade spaghetti sauce thawing and noodles boiling for tomorrows dinner. I can not believe that at 9 pm I am up doing this and writing all at the same time. I am usually so tired and tonight is no different. Physically my body is tired, my muscle ache from the pain of a condition I can really do little about (fibromyalgia). Yet tonight is different, not only in my being able to get up and do these things. But more so, in that I am writing and enjoying a hot cup of tea while I do so, in my little kitchen of all places. I usually do not write or make time for it or anything I really love. My days are spent at my job as a Parent Educator getting to be creative and to help people. I love it but it is tiring at times. When I am not at work I am caring for my husband, sometimes my 3 stepsons (the days they are here, and my 3 dogs. Oh and this lovely home we own right in town, our tiny little town but town nonetheless. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in all I need to do or think I should do that I miss the little things. The joy in the blessings I have. I have a home I own, a job, 3 stepsons, a husband and doggies. I am blessed. Yet I usually live lost and sad and broken. I forget the joys when I am wrapped up in responsibility, wallowing in my own self pitty.
Tonight for some reason was different. I came into the kitchen, tossing our bowls from the homemade blackberry cobbler I made and was thinking of eating a small bowl of cereal and laying on the couch. Then I saw the noodles I needed to make and then the tea that was almost empty. As I started these, I stretched a little right in the kitchen and felt a lil better. Then I decided on a hot cup of tea, before I knew it I was aching to go to the office/craft room and write. But the noodles were taking forever and if I waited on the noodles to get done, the tea in my cute little cup would be cold and I would be inevitably too tired. If I left the kitchen I would ruin the noodles and possible set my house on fire. Choices choices… of course I would stay in the kitchen.
And with that you must excuse me while I go to check the noodles……
I am back, all is well and finally the noodles are done!
So back to when I had that light bulb moment of sitting on the stool at the little table in my country kitchen and simply writing as my noodles cooked. i made the choice, as you can now tell, to do just that. to sit and write, to watch my noodles, to sip hot tea. And here I am writing and feeling more like me than I have felt in a long time. I am here feeling relief and life and my God. I am here in my kitchen feeling grateful for all I have and the ability to multitask. Haha. Who knows maybe this will be my new spot for not only sanity, but for inspiration as well?
I love Christmas time. I love the lights, the decorations, my tree. I love to get gifts for others. I love to bake and eat (lol). I love the feeling of it. Christmas time is my favorite and I love what it means, Jesus’s birth. It is beautiful. As Christmas is just a few days away, I just feel I need to write about my gratefulness. I have such gratefulness to God for all I have been given, been blessed with. Amazing friends, a 2 jobs, a wonderful little home, soon to be building a new home, a wonderful church, my great big family. I have so much. So much and it is easy to overlook it and forget all that you have but I don’t want to. I am trying to constantly tell God how grateful I am. And boy does it change your heart. It makes my heart lift. It makes me feel so joyful! It is absolutely amazing! I am blessed, so blessed and I think God for it all!!!
Merry CHRISTmas all!!!
Much love.
12-21-11
8:12 am
I am just in awe of all the beauty around me. Even when I am in total pain or feeling bad I have this amazing JOY that only comes from Christ. I love my life. I love this town. I have all God has for me! Iam so glad to finally be in this place after the last few years. To hear God. To see where I need to change. To see all the beauty God has for me! It is amazing, wonderful and glorious! That is all. I feel like I have so much to say but this is what needed to be said! 🙂 Amen! Praise God! Life is beautiful!
I just finished the first chapter in a book called God Crazy by Michelle Borquez. I was amazed at the end of the chapter byt the truth that she stated. The truth I have lived and now see in me. She was talking about how we, especially girls, have this fairy tale dream of love and marriage and what it will be. We want that perfect story and strive for it. She did and in the end her marriage was over and she was ahsamed because of being a Christian and failing in this way. She was afraid to show the weaknesses and the pain she felt.
I have been there. I didn’t share what happened to me for so long with those aorund me because I was ashamed and I blamed myself so deeply. I took all the blame and thougt if I prayed for my marriage it would make God happy. I thought if I prayed he would come home and we woudl have another fairytale scene and all would be well. And I realize it happened and God loved me no matter what. I learned that what I thought was obedince was my pain, my hurt, my pride. It was me hanging onto a shattered dream.
Michelle also said she was looking for her fullfillment to come from her husband. MAN!! This is so true. We don’t want to be alone, we seek love, we seek this fairytale romance. We believe in someone completing us. We even, I believe, try to create it. In the end we are let down because it is not truth. I learned that the hard way. I wanted the fairytale romance and I got it. It was movie worthy. Girl at 14 falls in love with her best friend. He never wants her in that way. She is his everything, the one who stays by his side and one day at the ageof 21, he loves her too. He comes from another state and suprises her. She opens a door to be in total shock as he stands there. He takes her into his arms and gives her the most amazing kiss ever. They are so in love they run off and elope…the end, for the the movie at least. For life, the hell began. The dream was over. My life was lost. I lost myslef. I was broken, torn and become this ugly version of myself. My world was centered around him. To care for him, love him , to do it all for him. I got nothing in return but guilt when I would get angry and yell and could not take it anymore. Nothing was enough and then one night he walked out. Even then I fought for him. I tried to fix him to, to pray for him. I see it was becasue I wanted to be complete. No person can bring us the completness we desire inside. That comes from our God who loves us so dearly. Yes he loves us dearly. He wants us to see and know that. He wants to heal us and change us and grow us.
I am on that road now. I feel alive. I see my faults and instead of hiding them and beating myslef up about them; I am allowing them to come forth and seeking God on what to do. All the while knowing I am loved. I don’t desire a relationship either and that makes me feel so strange. So many around me are married and having babies, or they desire to have a relationship. I don’t. I don’t desire marriage right now or babies. I desire learning how to truly live this life for Christ and LIVING…LIVING….LIVING!! I want to touch the workd and experience so very much.
I am grateful for this book and what I think it will teach me and show me. I bought it months ago but God opened it up to me at the perfect time.
Ahh the joy of being totally free.
Here is a song I had to add that come on right after reading the 1st chapter of the book and I thought it summed up what I was before in some ways and what most girls are—-ohhh if all could be freed and see we are beautiful and loved by God and stop trying to be what we think we must for the world or to be loved!
Jon Mclaughlin – Beautiful Disaster
She loves her mama’s lemonade,
Hates the sound that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she’ll find someone to need her.
She swears that there’s no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It’s all the same if everybody leaves her.
And every magazine tells her she’s not good enough,
The pictures that she’s seen make her cry.
And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.
She’s giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they’ll see that she’s lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she’ll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfections.
She’s not a drama queen,
She doesn’t want to feel this way, only seventeen, but tired
She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.
‘Cause she’s just the way she is, but no ones told her that’s OK.
And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
And she would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home
And she just needs someone to take her home.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KI6mi6eb8H0 of course the youtube video
3-8-10 1:53 pm
Happiness consumes me……lfie is amazing sometimes for sure. A firend of mine posted something earlier today and I love it….. becasue it is truth and life and real.
It said:
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
I replied back with “so very true….and I chose to previal. I chose to live life!”
And I am living life…I am so living life. It si beautiful and amazing and real. I don’t have it all figured out and I knwo I will make mistakes but instead of sitting here…I’m gonna live. Make choices and see where they take me…..that is life…the beuaty of life…..the joy of life…..to live it…..
I’m gonna live.
Ahh Happiness.
2-20-10 7:50 pm
Uponmyheart 
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