To be….

Ahhh….I am at work, ughhh, which I really do not like…yet have to say i am so grateful to have a job and income BUT still…hate it.   God has me here and I am learnign and growing for sure.

I am listening to music while I work and the songs have just been making my mind go and words flutter in me. My heart pounds, so even though I can’t get poetic right now for some reason, I had to write. I had to put some words upon a page. Wow…it feels so great. One day I will be doing this for all of a lifetime. Not being a social worker…but a full time writer. I am working harder. I am making time and I know I will get there. I know God wil show me what the next step is…when it is time for the next step. Yes.

10-15-09   3:55 pm

To Walk and Breathe in my Lord Jesus Christ

So, I guess I am seeking Christ on how to be a Christian. I mean a Christian who lives for him and seeks him wholeheartedly.  I don’t want just “the motions.”  I want to live fully for Him with a heart full of faith. And it is hard with the world knocking daily, with growing up without a strong Christian foundation. Yet look at Paul…..he was a “Christian Killer,” and in an instant served his Christ. i want that. I don’t want another 5 years to pass to be in this same place I always seem to be…the place where I know there is more to life than what I am living but knowing the world’s version isn’t it.   You Know?  I want to be living in the truth, touching others, living like Christ. 

Today I heard of a young girl who just needs Christ and in that brokeness may have seriously hurt her child.  I have a client who loves her son but seems to not be able to stop the drugs to be the Mom she wants to be. And then I argued just a little with a friend when I could have spoken with love better. When do I realize and learn to live fully for Christ? I WANT it so much.  I want to live fully and completely for then I will be complete. I want to let go and fall into the arms of my Christ breaking down my barriers, trusting, seeing the “log in my own eye.”  And when others are broken and hurting I want to be there as I should be….seeing the ooportunity to love them as Christ loves.

So I send this out asking God for more help and guidance and asking those out there that believe in our Jesus Christ to pray for me. I have a heart that longs to serve God simply…..not half heartedly.  I want more than words, good deeds, and church…I want that true intimate walk with my Lord and Savior who hung on a cross and died so I could live and be and breathe.  To just be who I feel I am deep inside of my heart……

9-26-09 12:55 pm