Choose to See

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“Every mornin’ I
Have the chance to rise
And give my all
Every afternoon I find
I have only wasted time
In light of your awe
Isn’t love amazing?
I forgot how to speak
Knowin’ you are near and
I am finally free”
– Jennifer Knapp -( Say Won’t You Say Lyrics | MetroLyrics)

It’s so easy to overlook all we have in Christ. It’s easy to turn on the tv, get on social media, hurry to work, stay busy and  simply rush through our day never looking up.
As I drove this am, I listened to the song above and I praised Jesus. I prayed and sought forgiveness for not getting up the last few mornings. I prayed to live for Him more so that He is glorified, to not overlook He’s simple yet mighty blessings.
Then I look up and I see the beautiful sun rising surround by mountains. I stopped to take it in… not caring about being a couple minutes late and not caring what the people driving by thought of me.
As I started to drive off, I noticed a cat in the road, it had been hit but was just sitting there. I stopped. I couldn’t leave it in the road. Luckily a coworker of my husband’s stopped and helped move the cat, it ran to the ditch and sat down.
I asked a couple of businesses if they knew who it belonged to and they didn’t. So I had to leave him. I called the local animal shelter and left a message about his location. I said a prayer for the poor lil guy and left.
I hated to leave but I had done all I could do. And I thought, “what a way for my morning to start,” and called my husband crying. He told me that’s why he loves me, because I have a big heart.
As I left the poor lil guy and drove on to work, I heard God speaking to me. Instead of looking at it as, “what a way to start my day,” I need to choose to see Him in it. God allowed me the opportunity to help a cat, an animal. It wasn’t about ruining my day, it was about being Jesus.
I can overlook the beautiful sunrise and I can make a cat being hit about me or I can choose to see the beauty that still exists amidst the ugly. God was there with me allowing me to love and if he’s allowing me to help an animal, how many opportunities is He giving me to help and love people? How many opportunities am I overlooking because I’m putting the focus on me, because I’m in a rush; not taking just a moment to see the absolutely breathtaking beauty around me and the chance to give that beauty to a hurting soul?

“And we know that God cause all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them” -Romans 8:28 NLT

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You Are Loved…Scars and All

Why do we see scars as such bad things? Why do we allow them to be something we try to hide? Why are we so bent on being beautiful in others eyes that we lose what truly makes us each beautiful…scars and all?

I look at the scars I have and I see them as a thing of beauty. Something God carried me through, even when I didn’t realize He was there. Each scar, no matter how big or how small makes me who I am, who He has created me to be. It is my choice to be that person or to remain lost in the world in its ways.

Even as Christians we can be lost. Lost in being who we think we are supposed to be, playing the part. Hiding our scars so no one sees the truth of who we are and all we have been through. We create and design the perfect life, a perfect lie. We lose the beauty in those scars and what they can bring to the lost and to the body of Christ.

I have theory that the scars not only make us who we are but are designed to draw other souls to Christ. They are there to show where we once were and who we have become, only through Him. Covering the scars hides the work He has done. It makes us out to be something we are not. It hides the true beauty in what God has carried us through. It puts the spotlight on us.

I say, show those scars. Show the missteps and mistakes. Show how broken you are. Let them see that being a Christian isn’t perfection. It isn’t playing church. It doesn’t mean we are happy all the time. Show the truth.

Being a Christian is work, it is a battle. There are missteps. There are wounds and broken hearts. There are scars that heal but the pain in some form may remain.

But in all of that, He is there. He is wiping tears. He is there with open arms, when you are ready to run to Him. He is there to bind those wounds, to heal your heart, and to set you free again. Time after time. For we are not perfect but are being perfected daily in Him.

In Him…you are loved.

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“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” -Psalm 147:3 NLT

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 1:6 NASB

 

Guardian of Our Souls

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Daily God blows me away with His ways of teaching me. His confirmations in what He is wanting me learn and grow in.

Today I read Chapter 7 in Fervent. It was about Purity, about not giving into our sins and temptations and how God is there with us, not condemning but giving grace to help us change our ways.

I thought of the areas I struggle with….laziness in my exercise. I do have fibromyalgia but I know God can help me overcome my tiredness at the moment to go make my body healthier, yet I give into the temptation of just sitting. I am not talking about the days I know God is calling me to rest but the days he is calling me to exercise. I know I should be in bed earlier but I instead stay up to watch a show or scroll through Facebook. I know I shouldn’t gossip but I partake in the destruction of another. I know I shouldn’t be hateful just because I am tired, my body aches or I am genuinely not feeling well, but I still talk awful sometimes.

This are my sins daily. Daily. These sins keep from Him. But I am so grateful that I am not under the law but under grace ( Romans 6:14).

And with that Grace i had read about in Fervent, God only gave me more in the Proverbs 31 Ministries First 5 app…as I opened it I read, “Whatever enslaves us. Whatever holds us hostage. Our God is still GREATER.” -Wendy Blight

Thank you Jesus for another reminder that these are the sins I am battling with and need to work on but I have your grace.  Thank you for teaching me through Fervent how satan is looking for the weak moments and wants me to give in but through you, the greater one, I can overcome. I do not have to give in. I want to be used as an instrument of your peace and I know that I can be in you, the guardian of my soul.

What sins do you need to work on? Where is satan tempting you? Pray about these areas, ask God to give you grace, wisdom and discernment. he will help you overcome!

I must serve the gift of the Words

I keep disappearing from here. I keep disappearing form me. I keep disappearing from these things called words that make up me in so many ways. I am someone not complete without words on a page with a hot cup of tea and deep music playing. I lose who I am. I become angry and broken. I become lost. I now know it is because this is part of who God has created me to be. I know it for a fact, finally. It has only taken me about 16 years to learn that about myself or I should say accept it as okay. Now are the steps to finally make this a major part of my life since it is a part of me. Not denying who I am or becoming lost in who I think I am supposed to be, just simply being me. Putting words onto a page, letting my fingers flow to the beat of the music. Feeling alive and whole and complete as the words dance upon the page. Feeling such a burden lift, feeling as if I can breathe. Feeling like the me God has created me to be.

I do not want to deny this essential part of myself because in essence I am denying Christ and his work in my life. When I deny the gifts He has given me, the things He uses to free me, to use me, then I deny Him. I say my way is better and I turn from Him. I no longer want to do this. I want to write and write and write some more. I want to listen to Him speak to me through the words. I want to see how I will grow and what I will learn. I want to bless others with His word through me.

I want to be alive.  I want to serve my Christ with the gift, the life He has given me. In the words of my favorite author Madeleine l’Engle:

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And serve I will.

His yoke…..

“Then Jesus said. “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give your rest. Take my yolk upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (NLT) Matthew 12:28-30

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I read a Bible study this am and this is the first verse I wanted to look up that was listed. As I read tears fell down my face. I was once awoken several nights by this verse. I was young, only 18 and I did not know what it meant. I told God, “I have your yoke.” I was really on fire for God, working hard for him and growing. Then I was hit by my church turning its back on me. Claiming I said something to the youth group I lead, that I did not say. He had been warning me, preparing me for what was coming. I was too young and new in the growing faith to understand what to do. I overtime, turned from God. I lost him because of what some “Christian” people did to me. I made horrible choices and walked away from him. It has been a cycle. Over and over and over for me. Trusting him then getting hurt and turning my back. Now here I am with a jury trial coming on Monday, trying to trust God. Trying to give him all my nerves and fears. Praying he will let the truth come out, the lies, to let them see how I did not stalk my step-son at the school I work at! Praying for once, I can be freed from the lies told about me.

Then I read the verse….to take his yoke. To trust, to let him carry my burdens. So I sit here and I cry. Tears of relief and happiness. Tears of love for a God that takes my burdens, my missteps and pain over and over again. Monday is in His hands and I will give it to Him, stop carrying the burden. Let him have it and take his yoke. His love. His peace.

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I ask for prayers through this. I want to stay close to God, to trust him and to know whatever happens, it is in His will and plan. I want the truth to be exposed, the lies that have been told out of control, anger and jealousy. I want the truth and God to win out above and amongst all the lies and deceit.

 

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Strength in Words…Strength in my Christ

Words urge to break free. All morning I have wanted to words upon a page and yet have been too busy. But should I be too busy to take a few moments to free myself upon a page?–To connect with myself, the real me, my God, My Savior, My heart and my soul?

I think I should instead write and write and write. Especially when so much in my world is a mess. When my husband’s ex keeps on sabotaging our relationship with his son….lying, hurting our character, getting us in possible trouble…me with a jury trial in a few short weeks. It breaks my heart and makes me angry. Why? Why does someone have to be so vindictive and mean? I am praying daily for guidance and direction, for the truth to win out. I am so blessed to know my God and to know He is there through it all. he is guiding me, supporting me and allowing it for a reason. I pray for the charges to be at rest, with a jury who will see the truth. I pray that the truth wins out. I pray she will be told to stop hurting her son in the way she is.

I breathe in peace and out all the anger, hurt, and resentment. I breathe in joy. I breathe in love. My God, My Christ, My Friend. With him I stand, waiting for the next step. Waiting for His word and guidance. Waiting…patiently.

He will allows be with me, love me and never forsake me.

I can do this, I am strong in Christ and can rise above the waves crashing all around me.

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Taken from Google Image Search

 

What I know for sure about life…..

This was a prompt I was given in my class this week and this was my reply:

What I know for sure about life is that I am never alone. Faith is a major part of my life and I know that no matter what I have God with me. I know for sure as well that life is not easy. I have seen a lot and been through a lot in my 30 years; domestic violence growing up as a child, cancer of my grandfather and brother (when he was only 5), the death of great grandparents and my grandfather, marriage too young, divorce, poverty, illness (I have only one kidney, have had 4 surgeries, have lots of medical conditions including fibromyalgia), heartbreak, regret, cheating (my ex-husband and best friend), custody battles, lies, lawsuit, etc.

Because of going through all these things and more, I have had the experience of feeling God with me in my darkest times. If I ever have felt alone, I just pray and I know He is with me. He is my best friend, my father, and my savior. It is the one thing I am sure of no matter what happens to me in this life. It is my certainty.

My faith was not something forced upon me, it was a decision I made as a 7-8 year old child on my own. I gave my life, my heart to Christ.  It is had guided my entire life. It hasn’t always made my life easy but to me, my faith is worth it. It is my everything.

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Image taken from image search: google