You Are FREE

Man, I’m just wanting more….more of God. More of my Christ. I so want me out of the way so He can reign in me. So the Holy Spirit can do a mighty work in and through me.
I began reading in Colossians 2 today. As I first read verses 6 & 7, I read about letting my roots grow deeper in Him, allowing my life to built on Him. Growing strong in His truth and allowing my thanksgiving to grow in Him.

“Let your roots grow down into Him and let your faith be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught,and you will overflow with thankfulness.”

All I could think was, ” Yes!!! Amen!!!” Thankfulness was filling my soul!

Then it only got better from there. Yeah, I know how could it get any better?
Well here it is,
That sin we struggle with, the enemy that we fear at times and let have too much footing…yeah that one. Well, grasp this, he’s already been defeated! How easily we forget.

Verse 15 says “in this way He disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shared them publicly by His VICTORY on the cross!”

AMEN! How amazing is that!?! It’s awesome…he only has the power we allow him to have over us!
And finally as the chapter comes to a close I was just ecstatic to read about not being condemned by others, for not following legalism. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of do’s and don’ts. It’s so easy to push it on others. Yet we forget we are set free! Yes I said FREE! this doesn’t mean we stay in sin, rather it means we allow Christ to change our hearts, we stop trying to do it on our own! That right there got me more excited than anything! Because sometimes I try too hard. I work in the flesh to serve Him, instead of the Spirit.

I leave you with Verse 20 today. Ponder on it…..let it fill you up! You are FREE, so live like it!!!!!

“You have died with Christ, and He has set you FREE from the spiritual powers of this world.”

Amen dear friend! You are FREE!

Much Love,
Alissa Marie

And how fitting God gives this message to my heart on a weekend when we remember those who died giving us our freedom. My prayers for all those who have lost loved ones for my freedom. They are truly heroes!

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Forgiveness Frees

faith

Forgiveness, I have been thinking about it a lot lately because I have a dear friend struggling with it. Forgiveness is  a hard lesson to learn when you have held onto a hurt for so long. However, once you learn to give that forgiveness it becomes easier to give. Forgiveness is freeing to our souls. It takes away the burden in our souls. The words says we are to forgive.

Matthew 5: 14 states, “if you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

To me, that is profound. Not only does un-forgiveness leave us with a burden in our souls, it also keeps us from God’s forgiveness of our sins. I don’t know about you but I sin daily in my thoughts, reactions. I am human and I sin. I do not want forgiveness withheld from me, so I must give forgiveness.

I know it is not easy because I have been through a lot and I have had to forgive. One instance that sticks out to me and I believe was my biggest lesson in forgiveness was having to forgive my ex-husband and best friend. You see my ex  husband left me and a few weeks later my best friend was dating him. Talk about a double blow. I didn’t forgive at first. I remember sitting a Bible study at my Pastor’s house and we were studying forgiveness. I felt God telling me to forgive and that made me so angry at God. I remember staring at the floor and telling God, internally, “Why do I have to forgive. What they did was horrible. How can you expect me to forgive that? I won’t God. What they did was wrong.”

That begin my spiral downward, into drinking and going to the bar and not really attending church anymore. It separated me from my God, from His forgiveness. I seemed and thought I felt carefree but deep down, I wasn’t. I was hurting, broken, angry, and separated from my God. I began to wake up when I realized I wasn’t just having a drink on the weekends I was finishing off a couple bottles of wine by myself during the week. I knew I had things I needed to address with my Savior. That was the first eye opening God gave me, then words from a dear friend, Lizzy, at church really helped me in forgiving.

She said, “Forgiveness is not saying what they did is okay and right. Forgiveness is releasing them into God’s hands. It is trusting Him to teach them. Forgiveness frees us.”

Those words echoed in me and I began to pray for God to help me to forgive. I told him I was releasing it all into His hands. I read the word, I prayed and when anger, hurt, or pain creeped up I said, “I forgive them oh Lord, help to forgive.”

In time I forgave. And I can honestly say, forgiveness now comes easy. Its not such a struggle anymore. I know that it is not saying what they did was right, it doesn’t even mean I have to hang out with them, but it releases them to God to deal with, to convict. To forgive I have to trust my Savior.

If you are struggling with forgiveness today, ask God to help you, to give you the strength and heart to forgive. Release that burden to Him, it isn’t yours to carry. Listen to Jesus’s words, “Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:29) let those words echo in your heart today. 

 

 

Light Covers Darkness

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I see the shadows upon my heart, shadows of the past, the present; things I want to be changed.

I feel downcast, I want to beat my self up, chastise myself for not being more, for not being better.

Then I look and I see the light, it is slowly covering all the shadows. It is touching the shadows with its warm and healing touch.

Then I feel excitement in all that can be. I feel the joy of the Lord rising up in me.

I hear the notes begin to play. Then the words pour forth, There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain.

Yes! Jesus! Break every Chain!

Give me a new heart, a heart of flesh to serve you, to live for you. Thank you that daily you are renewing me. Thank you for showing me it is a process and you are here with me with each step I take.

Oh how you love me.

Help me Oh God to spread this love you have given to others, get me out of my safe bubble. I want to lay myself down at your cross. To grow in you and fully give my life to you. Lead me to the cross.

To take up the cross you have called me to: If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.

In this is my freedom…it is what I am called to do. When I don’t know the steps to take, when I mess up I just have to come back to the cross and remember what you did for me and turn and pick up my own cross again.

For, if I  try to hang on to my life, I will lose it. But if I give up my life for Your sake, I will save it.

I don’t want to lose myself anymore. I don’t want to waste any more hours, days, or years serving myself and my agenda, For I benefit nothing if I gain the whole world but lose and destroy myself in the process.

 

Thank you Jesus that all my hope is in You, unchanging You. 

 

Luke 9:23-25 NLT http://www.biblegateway.com

Break Every Chain-Jesus Culture

How He Loves Us-The David Crowder Band

Lead me to the Cross-Hillsong United

Anchor-Hillsong

 

 

The Words must be freed

The words abound. Pulling free from the depths of me. They are my life, my breath, my soul. They are me, finally set free. I hear the notes float upon the air, my air beats and then it is like the life is given to the words. They begin to float and be. I can then set them free. A life alive in me. A life of words and truths. I feel alive and free, I feel happy and at peace when the words are free to be in me. This is where I need to be everyday. Putting the words down, allowing them life. How do I make the time? How do I free up time? How do I make time to be me, to be free, to have life in me, pouring form me onto a page? I must see, I must be. I must put the words down for the world to see. I must make the time,a s I am now to write and wrote and wrote some more. To get the truths out of me. To share the words. To help someone be freed. To touch a soul with love.

Happiness of the Twirl

Images blur in a twirl of my life.

As I spin I see it all in a blur of color and distorted images.

Laughter bursts forth from my lips.

I am a child at heart again. Enjoying life as it comes.

Taking the blur, the mess ,and finding joy in it all.

Smiling in the dark. Knowing I am safe in the arms of Him who died for all.

Living out the life in the heart of a child.

The words in the Book of Life state we can only enter if we have a heart like a child.

Such truth in the love and they believe and smile through all the bad, the confusion, the mess and blur.

They begin to laugh and let go of the mess and fall down, knowing safely they will land.

Such a freedom, such trust, such love.

I spin and spin and spin in this mess, feeling more alive with each step, with each twirl that sends me further on and when the time comes I will let go laughing and landing safely in strong hands.

I smile as the blur of pink spins around me.

The blur of a love freely given and never un-found.

In time I will let go and land……

but for now I spin on with a smile and life growing inside a once broken life.

4-22-12 1:48 am

Written to Happiness by The Fray.

I Am Ready…..”I Just Wanna Love People”

So I begin with asking: “Why do we run from our destiny?” I wonder why we run from what we are created to do.  Do we run because we feel it is too hard? Do we run because we are scared? Do we run because we are simply selfish?

I ask this because I have spent my life being confused. I have spent my life running in so many ways. I never know what to do. I never know what the answer is.

I have tried to run from the role God has allowed me to be in with my family; the guider, protector, teacher. I tired run because it is hard to be that.

In high school I ran from the love of my life because I was so scared of the responsibility of that love. I was scared he would be another person to take care of. And with that, I never opened myself up fully to be loved by him; to allow him to take care of me.

Then I married a man I knew I shouldn’t. A man I couldn’t even look at as we said our vows. Yet I married him because he was comfortable to me. He was someone to take care of and I had gotten to an age where I thought I had to be married, like everyone else in my small town.

I never fully reached my potential in Social Work, because I was selfish, always seeking a way out. Once I got out, I missed it. I was able to see the impact I had on my families but also the missed opportunities in myself absorbed state.

When my ex husband and I split, at first I relied on God, poured my heart into my work. Then I thought about me. I became angry and spent my time crying, drinking, and thinking of only me. I missed out on a lot that year.

I do not however beat myself up over the choices I made. I cannot regret them. Because from them,  I have learned. I have grown. I have been able to meet people and love souls. The experiences have only given me a deeper depth into the pain others live through. My life, my choices, were not void of meaning. I am glad I have been able to get here to this place, to see what I have always felt inside. To see it is now that I must live it. To see it will take work, effort, planning and boldness.

I feel I have come full circle into the woman I have always been inside. I am now at a place where I can live out my dreams in a full capacity.

I have struggled with what dream to choose, writing and New York, singing and California, or my family and taking care of children, in my small town. Finally, I see, I do not have to choose one or the other. Yes, I have to choose where to live but that doesn’t mean my dreams die.

I thought I had to choose one life and one dream and that was it. Now I see I can have them all. I can love people, children, my family. I can write and sing. I can live in my small town and visit NYC and California. Yes. Finally, I see.

The last few weeks, God has been guiding my heart, giving me glimpses of what He has for me. Giving me little tid bits. I see He has always done this but now I am attuned to it. I am listening and seeing.

My first step with this was to admit I miss, deeply miss, being a social worker. I miss protecting children and guiding families. Yes, I am in that line of work, to a degree, but it is not the same. So, I listened to the nudge in my heart from Christ and I am happy to say I will soon be a part time social worker, along with my current position as a parent educator.  🙂

The other reason I am taking the position is that God has been showing me a lot about my finances. He’s been teaching me about tithing and managing my money better. I have a little debt in a school loan and I realized I had to pay it off. I am following God’s lead on building a home behind my mom and I don’t want the extra debt on top of my home debt. I want to work hard and be responsible and I don’t want the American dream that says put it all on credit and be in debt to your eyeballs. I am able to work 2 jobs, so I am. It is time to be proactive  in my own life with work, debt, finances, love, relationships, etc. I have to stop sitting back being confused, and doing really nothing at all but making not so great decisions. I must take a stand.

Music plays in the background as I type this and my heart beats wildly as always, but this time I feel something will be done. This is more than dreams on a page, this is a chance at reality. Living out, for once, all that is burning deep inside of my heart.

I have so many more things I am dreaming to do. I am actually at a conference right now, for work, Parents As Teachers (PAT). The key-note speaker tonight just gripped my heart. I sat there thinking, “I need to be out there! I need to be fighting for my families.” I need to take this knowledge, heart and love and give it to those around me. I need to do more! I have all these ideas all the time and never let them exist or be…I want them to be! I could hear God nudging my heart again ( I heard it one day last week, as well) about starting my own mission group, Humble Hearts. I started it locally and then let it die when my church fell apart. I let it go. I let it slip away because my heart was hurt.

But now I say, “NO MORE!” No more will I let a little bump in the road stop me. Never again will I fade away. I will be me. I will be bold. I will do the things that seem impossible because with my God they are possible. It is up to me to just believe and do the work.

I look out my hotel at the city lights of St. Louis and I realize….I will travel, I will write, I will take pictures, and I will love. I will do all that I love, if I trust God and go his way. Already I am seeing that. I am being reminded of books I can write, a curriculum for daycare teachers, for example. I am reminded of the coat drive I did one year in my community. I am reminded of a very profound thing I wrote in high school.

I wrote a story and in the story a young girl, named Marie was being interviewed and was asked, “What do you want to do with your life?”

To which Marie responded, “I just wanna love people.”

In the story the reporter was astounded, that this young 16 year old girl didn’t want a fancy house, car, or anything for herself, she only wanted to love people.

As I write tears fall down my cheeks, because that young girl, Marie, was me. Still is me. And it has taken me 12 years but I am finally at the place where I can love people. I see now, I have been given such an opportunity to do it.

I no longer want to go to NYC or California and live out some selfish dream, alone in so many ways. No, I want to start where I am, with what I have, in my little town and I want to love my family, my friends, my tribe, my community. I want to see a change made in so many of the broken hearts, homes, and souls. I want to see kids being kids. I want to see moms and dads not fighting but praying. I want to see kids being read to every night. I want to see drugs replaced with hugs and love.  I want to help people see their potential and begin to reach it. I want to share the love of Christ with all of those around me.

Yes, it will be hard. Yes, it will take work.

But I do not care, for it is my dream, in the words of my teenage self…….

“I just wanna love people.”

 

11-6-11

9:35 pm

Written in a St. Louis Hotel to Counting Crowes: Colorblind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0s7ycdUcHk (thanks youtube)

I can’t Wait!!!! Oh to Be Called a Fool As I Live in Truth

 

God has been speaking some deep things to me lately and it is all so very amazing. It takes my breath away to know I have a God who loves me so; A God who is personal and real and true. He is one who walked what I walk. He knows all that I am going through and I find deep comfort in that. For that first time in my life I am actively listening every day. I am hearing what He has for me, what He asks me to do, and how He loves me so. I am blessed to call Him not only my savior but also my friend; my best friend. No matter what I am going to trust in all He has to say not caring what the world says. Not caring about my fears or doubts. Not caring about others opinions. I am going to burst forth in this world as a light. As someone who follows God at any cost. I am ready to look like a fool to the world and in the end for them to truly see.

One area is my love life. I know God has told me who I will marry and I am excited. Today I looked at his facebook page and I felt that familiar doubt and voices creeping up. “You didn’t hear God. Look he is with someone else. They are so in love. See, he will stay where he is. They are going to Disney. She treats him better than you ever did.” But unlike before I just said, “Whatever, You got this God.” I know what You told me and I am trusting in You and Your timing. I am not going to try to make it happen. It simply will come to be because I know You told me it was so.” I have no fear or worries about it because I know His voice and what He has told me and tells me daily. I am so excited about the future and how it will unfold in is timing! It will beautiful and glorious and amazing :)!

It is crazy how easy things can be, but how hard we make them out of fear, wanting to control everything, and being selfish. You see I have learned that satan uses the lies, “You deserve this. This is your dream. Follow your dreams. Live for you.” And they are LIES. Those lies are all about YOU and when my life is about ME…it sucks! I am not saying you get consumed in others and toss yourself aside….NO….you get consumed in GOD and then He leads you! It is amazing to put Him first! It is like I am fully me when I put him first! My artistic side blooms…I write and create and it is amazing! I go to the cool coffee shop to think, write, and read. I begin to dress as me. It is beautiful! I am not confused at all. I also then have more time, it seems, to love others and do for them. And things satan had me believe were not mine to worry about become things God uses me in. It is beautiful, the ultimate freedom and joy that comes!

So, I am not confused for like the first time in my life…I know I will be married in 1 year to the man of my dreams, the man who fits my list (my husband is coming home…just not the husband I thought He meant!). I will be an English teacher at my high school. I will be a mother of 2 twin boys (my sister will carry in her womb for me) and I will be adopting a baby girl soon. I know it sounds crazy BUT that is how my God works!!! He is so very amazing! He has shown me a glimpse, not how it all will happen, but that it will happen and I am blessed. I am so excited to watch it all unfold.

So I will be called a fool and I do not care!!!! I am listening to my God. Doing as He says, trusting, witnessing, worshipping and loving! I can’t wait!!!!! 🙂

…oh to be called a fool as I live in truth!

May 7, 2011

8:55 pm

Written to my mix cd called Let the Healing Begin