That I may have life abundantly….fat or skinny. 

I wrote this last about 1 year ago today. I edited it to fit more of today but I had a burden on my heart to share it. I’m not sure why I never did share it. But I hear God telling me to share it now and so I’m choosing to. I pray it blesses someone out there. 
I’ve been living a lie. I’ve been pulled into the world and it’s ways. I’ve be thinking that if only I was skinner, I’d be hapier.

I don’t pig out. I eat basically healthy. I did stop exercising because I let life get in the way and the fibromyalgia that racks my body with pain, doesn’t help. But I’ve started yoga and water aerobics again and I can feel the difference they both make. I have great blood pressure, low cholesterol. And my husband, he loves my body, all 200lbs of it. Yes, I’ve hit 200lbs.  But guess what? He loves my butt and boobs, haha!

So why do I think, if I was skinnier I’d be happier, I’d be pretty? Why do we praise people for losing weight, saying “you look great,” but not telling them that when they were bigger? Being big doesn’t equal pigging out or being unhealthy. Being bigger doesn’t equal ugly or unattractive. Being big doesn’t mean I don’t take care of myself, even though I’ve had people, people close to me, say that.

A few years ago, I lost weight, in a healthy way but it didn’t fix me or make me hapier after a separation from my then husband. I was drinking a lot after the divorce and I stopped spending time with God. I was angry with God. I was angry with my ex and best friend. I was broken. But on outside I was skinny, so apparently I had it together and took care of myself. No one had anything to say about my body then. Or my health. They only were mad I was drinking. But I didn’t have comments about needing to see a dietician or that I just had let myself go. 

I take better care of myself now. I don’t drink. I love my husband. I’m happy. I spend time with my awesome Savior every morning. Again, skinny doesn’t equal happy and healthy.

I’m grateful for God showing me how my heart hasn’t been in the right place. How I’ve allowed the outward appearance dictate how I feel. For showing me this through articles and stories of others, a plus size, amazing and beautiful yoga instructor. She’s healthy, strong, and so beautiful. She finally realized it and look where she is now.

Last year when I found out I was pregnant I was l ecstatic but what is sad is one of my first thoughts was, “I’m not gonna be a cute pregnant woman, I’m just gonna look huge.” I said this to a couple close friends and they disagreed. It breaks my heart, that in that joy I was letting my weight, steal the joy. Then came comments from well meaning family telling me not to eat in between meals, telling me I’m severely obese, and telling me I need to not over eat and see a dietician. Again, joy stolen.

But today I realize what Satan is doing, he is doing what the word says he does, he is coming to “steal, kill, and destroy,” (John 10:10) my joy in my Savior. He is using those I love to do this and he has seen my weight and body is a weakness to me. I’ve allowed him to do this is the sad part. I’ve allowed him to make me think my worth, my joy, my hope is in myself and my weight. And for that, I repent. I ask my Savior to forgive me and I put my eyes back on Christ. I see the beauty my Savior sees when He looks at me. I see the heart He has given me. I celebrate the beautiful life growing in me and I declare I won’t let Satan steal anymore from me.

I’m clinging to my Savior who, “came that I may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) That my friends is beauty. That my friends is what I want my children to know. That my friends is what we all should remember and live in.

Whatever your struggle is, whatever you are going through, whether it’s weight, depression, or family issues, don’t forget that you are created unique and special by an amazing and loving God. Don’t forget He came to give you abundant life. Don’t forget that the thief is ever lurking wanting to steal all God has given…don’t let Him. Rise above! Don’t listen to the words of the world…listen to His word. You are a beautiful creation in Christ!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. -2 Corinthians 5:17

You are loved.

Much love,

Alissa Marie

*I’m not saying we shouldn’t care for our bodies. After this article was written I found out my sugar is high. So yes I need to take care of my body, this temple God has given. But no matter the size… God loves us all where we are. It’s about finding our worth in Him where we are…..not needing to lose weight to be happy. I’m not saying I’m not happy for those who do lose weight by whatever means they need….surgery, eating healthy, work out, etc either. Just know I love you where you are and think you are beautiful! 

And if I lose weight please don’t tell me how beautiful I am, unless you can say it now. 😘  

Friendship – A Delicate Yet Powerful Treasure

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Friendships are such a precious thing but I’ve found as we get older, we tend to neglect them. We say we are too busy but really we just don’t make time for the precious people God has placed in our lives. We overlook the peace and joy they can bring is. We overlook the value their friendship brings to our lives.
Today as I prayed, God gently spoke to me about my friends, you know the ones I text when I’m in a bind, having a rough day, or when I need prayer. The ones I want to share exciting news with, the ones I pray so hard for, the ones who make me laugh.
Yes, I overlook them too much.
So as I prayed, God spoke directly to me about how to make time for them, just planning something once a month. I heard Him whisper that it would bring me peace, the peace I had just been reading about in my devotion, Jesus Calling.
“Receive my peace abundantly and thankfully. It is a rare treasure, dazzling in delicate beauty, yet strong enough to withstand all onslaughts.”
Isn’t that a beautiful portrait not just of His peace but the friendships He blesses us with? The rare treasure we so often overlook?
When I think about my friends I see the dazzling yet delicate beauty that are. They are beautiful but delicate because they need to be nurtured. We have to make time for the relationship. We have to reach out and be there for one another, spend time together to nurture this beautiful gift. And when we do this, then they will grow strong. So strong that they can withstand the onslaughts the enemy throws our way. It could be he attacks the friendship, trying to break it down but if its been treasured and nurtured then he can’t destroy it. Or it could be he attacks one person but with having friendship, you have a powerful force of prayer behind you. Because you treasured and nurtured the friendship, they are there now to help you do battle.
I want treasure my friendships, I want His peace washing over me. I don’t want to spend another minute overlooking the beautiful friendships he has blessed me with!

I can’t Wait!!!! Oh to Be Called a Fool As I Live in Truth

 

God has been speaking some deep things to me lately and it is all so very amazing. It takes my breath away to know I have a God who loves me so; A God who is personal and real and true. He is one who walked what I walk. He knows all that I am going through and I find deep comfort in that. For that first time in my life I am actively listening every day. I am hearing what He has for me, what He asks me to do, and how He loves me so. I am blessed to call Him not only my savior but also my friend; my best friend. No matter what I am going to trust in all He has to say not caring what the world says. Not caring about my fears or doubts. Not caring about others opinions. I am going to burst forth in this world as a light. As someone who follows God at any cost. I am ready to look like a fool to the world and in the end for them to truly see.

One area is my love life. I know God has told me who I will marry and I am excited. Today I looked at his facebook page and I felt that familiar doubt and voices creeping up. “You didn’t hear God. Look he is with someone else. They are so in love. See, he will stay where he is. They are going to Disney. She treats him better than you ever did.” But unlike before I just said, “Whatever, You got this God.” I know what You told me and I am trusting in You and Your timing. I am not going to try to make it happen. It simply will come to be because I know You told me it was so.” I have no fear or worries about it because I know His voice and what He has told me and tells me daily. I am so excited about the future and how it will unfold in is timing! It will beautiful and glorious and amazing :)!

It is crazy how easy things can be, but how hard we make them out of fear, wanting to control everything, and being selfish. You see I have learned that satan uses the lies, “You deserve this. This is your dream. Follow your dreams. Live for you.” And they are LIES. Those lies are all about YOU and when my life is about ME…it sucks! I am not saying you get consumed in others and toss yourself aside….NO….you get consumed in GOD and then He leads you! It is amazing to put Him first! It is like I am fully me when I put him first! My artistic side blooms…I write and create and it is amazing! I go to the cool coffee shop to think, write, and read. I begin to dress as me. It is beautiful! I am not confused at all. I also then have more time, it seems, to love others and do for them. And things satan had me believe were not mine to worry about become things God uses me in. It is beautiful, the ultimate freedom and joy that comes!

So, I am not confused for like the first time in my life…I know I will be married in 1 year to the man of my dreams, the man who fits my list (my husband is coming home…just not the husband I thought He meant!). I will be an English teacher at my high school. I will be a mother of 2 twin boys (my sister will carry in her womb for me) and I will be adopting a baby girl soon. I know it sounds crazy BUT that is how my God works!!! He is so very amazing! He has shown me a glimpse, not how it all will happen, but that it will happen and I am blessed. I am so excited to watch it all unfold.

So I will be called a fool and I do not care!!!! I am listening to my God. Doing as He says, trusting, witnessing, worshipping and loving! I can’t wait!!!!! 🙂

…oh to be called a fool as I live in truth!

May 7, 2011

8:55 pm

Written to my mix cd called Let the Healing Begin