I wrote this last about 1 year ago today. I edited it to fit more of today but I had a burden on my heart to share it. I’m not sure why I never did share it. But I hear God telling me to share it now and so I’m choosing to. I pray it blesses someone out there.
I’ve been living a lie. I’ve been pulled into the world and it’s ways. I’ve be thinking that if only I was skinner, I’d be hapier.
I don’t pig out. I eat basically healthy. I did stop exercising because I let life get in the way and the fibromyalgia that racks my body with pain, doesn’t help. But I’ve started yoga and water aerobics again and I can feel the difference they both make. I have great blood pressure, low cholesterol. And my husband, he loves my body, all 200lbs of it. Yes, I’ve hit 200lbs. But guess what? He loves my butt and boobs, haha!
So why do I think, if I was skinnier I’d be happier, I’d be pretty? Why do we praise people for losing weight, saying “you look great,” but not telling them that when they were bigger? Being big doesn’t equal pigging out or being unhealthy. Being bigger doesn’t equal ugly or unattractive. Being big doesn’t mean I don’t take care of myself, even though I’ve had people, people close to me, say that.
A few years ago, I lost weight, in a healthy way but it didn’t fix me or make me hapier after a separation from my then husband. I was drinking a lot after the divorce and I stopped spending time with God. I was angry with God. I was angry with my ex and best friend. I was broken. But on outside I was skinny, so apparently I had it together and took care of myself. No one had anything to say about my body then. Or my health. They only were mad I was drinking. But I didn’t have comments about needing to see a dietician or that I just had let myself go.
I take better care of myself now. I don’t drink. I love my husband. I’m happy. I spend time with my awesome Savior every morning. Again, skinny doesn’t equal happy and healthy.
I’m grateful for God showing me how my heart hasn’t been in the right place. How I’ve allowed the outward appearance dictate how I feel. For showing me this through articles and stories of others, a plus size, amazing and beautiful yoga instructor. She’s healthy, strong, and so beautiful. She finally realized it and look where she is now.
Last year when I found out I was pregnant I was l ecstatic but what is sad is one of my first thoughts was, “I’m not gonna be a cute pregnant woman, I’m just gonna look huge.” I said this to a couple close friends and they disagreed. It breaks my heart, that in that joy I was letting my weight, steal the joy. Then came comments from well meaning family telling me not to eat in between meals, telling me I’m severely obese, and telling me I need to not over eat and see a dietician. Again, joy stolen.
But today I realize what Satan is doing, he is doing what the word says he does, he is coming to “steal, kill, and destroy,” (John 10:10) my joy in my Savior. He is using those I love to do this and he has seen my weight and body is a weakness to me. I’ve allowed him to do this is the sad part. I’ve allowed him to make me think my worth, my joy, my hope is in myself and my weight. And for that, I repent. I ask my Savior to forgive me and I put my eyes back on Christ. I see the beauty my Savior sees when He looks at me. I see the heart He has given me. I celebrate the beautiful life growing in me and I declare I won’t let Satan steal anymore from me.
I’m clinging to my Savior who, “came that I may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) That my friends is beauty. That my friends is what I want my children to know. That my friends is what we all should remember and live in.
Whatever your struggle is, whatever you are going through, whether it’s weight, depression, or family issues, don’t forget that you are created unique and special by an amazing and loving God. Don’t forget He came to give you abundant life. Don’t forget that the thief is ever lurking wanting to steal all God has given…don’t let Him. Rise above! Don’t listen to the words of the world…listen to His word. You are a beautiful creation in Christ!
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. -2 Corinthians 5:17
You are loved.
*I’m not saying we shouldn’t care for our bodies. After this article was written I found out my sugar is high. So yes I need to take care of my body, this temple God has given. But no matter the size… God loves us all where we are. It’s about finding our worth in Him where we are…..not needing to lose weight to be happy. I’m not saying I’m not happy for those who do lose weight by whatever means they need….surgery, eating healthy, work out, etc either. Just know I love you where you are and think you are beautiful!
And if I lose weight please don’t tell me how beautiful I am, unless you can say it now. 😘