The vulnerable place for me is wanting to write and knowing its my calling but feeling guilty about it, being scared of it, worrying, thinking about everything, not knowing where to start.I am still trying to fight my way back. I feel so alive right now…writing, putting words on paper. Knowing when I write, I feel alive, free, joyful…I am me; the me God intends for me to be. Why oh why do I run from it?
I wrote this tonight as I began the book from Lysa TerKeurst, The 7 Secrets You Need To Know As A New Writer. What truth it holds. Anytime I allow myself to write I always come back to my favorite author, Madeline L’Engle and if you have never read her, Oh you must. So I opened her book, Bright Evening Star and I began to read though it. I came to Chapter 12 and read, “But Jesus did, loved God enough so that he was willing, in his humanness, to got to death that his divinity could have prevented.” Jesus did this and I am afraid to write? What is my calling in comparison to His? I am called to put words on page, speak life into others, he was called to die for us. That puts it into perspective a little. I had to shake my head and say, “Wow, I am so sorry and thank you Lord.”
Now is the hard part….living this out. Writing daily. Its not gonna be easy but it will be worth it. It is the calling He has placed in me. I don’t want to wake up another year older int he same places. I want to follow his plan. I want to write and write and write. I want the love of my savior to flow onto the page as it did with my favorite author. I want to inspire and entertain and grow others, as she did for me. I want to do as I am called and live the life He has for me. No more fear, procrastination, perfectionism to hold me back. To step boldly onto the water and trust my Savior who gave all for me.