I love how God is transforming me, breaking down the walls in my heart to draw me closer to Him and to the ones he has given me to love. In Speechless today, Scotty Smith discussed how God showed him the way he was working to protect himself form hurt because of the pain he had faced in the past. As I read, it was as if God were speaking to me, asking me what Scotty heard him ask, what he asked Adam and Eve in Genesis 3:9, “Where are you?”
When walls are built, we are hiding ourselves, just as Adam and Eve hid from God once they realized they were naked. As if we can truly ever hide from God. But we can attempt to hide from others, building a wall to protect ourselves from hurt, pain, disappointment. In the end all we end up doing is hurting those we love and missing out on the joys of the Lord. I do this and have done this for a while. I thought the walls were down when I fell in love with my now husband but I had only masked them, lied to myself. I see it in how I am quick to say mean things to him because he has hurt my feelings. I am embarrassed by how I act to him at times and I know now why. I need the wall gone to fully love. I need to realize I can rest in God no matter what. I do not want any idols in my life and in the words of Scotty, “In my commitment to never hurt again, I basically chose to worship an idol, self protection.” (p.105) So today I have asked God to tear down those walls day by day, brick by brick, so nothing is before him, so I can be fully used by him to love and bless others.