I visited New York City last year. I went to see my awesome lil bro but also went to assess living therefull time. When I was there I was so turned off. I was like, no way. This place is too crazy, too busy, and even scary. I would be afraid to walk down the street.
Yet, NYC never leaves my mind. I can’t stop thinking of living in a tiny apartment, writing my heart away. Being a freelance writer, blogger and just writing in NYC. Going to NYU.
Yet, I love the thought of being here, in my small town, in my yellow home behind my momma, I will build and writing my heart out. Coming to my favorite coffee shop, as I am now and just writing.
So I know writing is my dream but where do I have this dream? When
will i have this dream?
I dread the thought of going back to work tom. I dread the thought of owning a daycare. I dread the thought of it all. I wanna write and write and write. I want to turn in that deep music and let the words fall upon the page.
I want to be in school studying it. I want to be at NYU. Yet if I don’t get everything together and apply by December, there is no way for me to go by next year and if I did go next year, I would miss my brother and sister’s senior year…..can I do that??
I love them so much and don’t want to miss that. And the dread of doing this 2 more years, if I wait to apply next year, feels unbearable. lol.
Yet, I could drag one or both of them with me lol.
I just don’t know. I want to write. I want to be at NYU. Not the online school I am settling for. That is the truth.
Yet if I build a house this year, then what will I do if I move? Should I wait to build the house? What do I do? AHHHHH I feel crazy and as if I will lose my mind. NYC is calling my name I can’t ignore that. I can’t leave
that. I can’t lose my chance on that. I feel it too deep.
I’m gonna keep praying about buying a small cheap house here, about building a bigger house, about applying and moving to NYC, about so many
things. I just know I can’t ignore the dream of NYU anymore.
I just wanna write.
September 26, 2011 11:00 am
Written to awesome music at my favorite coffee house 🙂