I feel as if I am living a life void of purpose. I feel as if I simply go through the motions waiting for a change; waiting for a big sign to show me which way to go. Finally I am seeing I must make the change.
I know that I am a Christian but becoming a Christian doesn’t automatically reveal God’s purpose for us. It is getting ourselves out of the way and seeking him to find his purpose for our lives. Only then can we feel truly alive and know that our lives have meaning and purpose.
I am so grateful that God has brought the book, ThePpurpose Driven Life, into my life. I feel it changing me already. I feel hope. Hope that I won’t forever feel confused or feel there is this something more that I am missing. I am beginning to see that what drives my life is not God but it is helping people. And why that’s a noble pursuit it is not what my drive should be. My drive should be to live God’s purpose. To live for God and in that I will touch the world in a much bigger way. I believe I will be better able to love, care and take care of others if I am doing it his way.
I am also reading the book Sun Stand Still, about audacious faith. It is getting me excited, as well, about the possibilities God has for me.
I have always felt there is something else, something more, I am meant for and I want to find that and live for it…for the purpose God has given me. When I try to figure it out myself it never feels right.
I also see from both these books how much fear holds me back. Fear of leaving my family, friends and comfort. And He may want me to leave and until I am willing to give it all up and follow Him, I will be stuck here, living this confusing, unfilled life. He may want me to stay here but until I am willing to “Let Go and Let God,” I won’t have the next step.
I try to live this simple life yet my life feels hectic. I want to want the marriage and kids and country home here and I do some days but most of the time I feel there is something more for me. I think the simple home here in the country is easy. But in trying to seek the easy and comfortable. by staying in my job, I feel I am living this mundane life and my life never feels relaxed and settled. It should but it doesn’t. I am constantly on the go and not in a good way. When I was once on fire for God at 18 yrs of age, I did so much and was still there for family and friends but my life felt calmer and fuller and that’s because what I did, I “did unto the Lord.” I did what God was guiding me to do and I truly believe he was revealing His purpose for me…then everything fell apart and I went my on way. I tried to fulfill myself with marriage and “love” and have lost a lot of years. I don’t want to do that anymore and I am not.
It is all a process, I am aware, and I am taking it day by day, trying to learn each lesson He has for me. Trying not to figure it out on my own and trying to let him open my eyes. I am praying heavily about a Women’s encounter my church is having and I am asking God to please show me my purpose and the next step. Then I want to have the faith to take that step boldly. I am believing God will reveal so much to me at this encounter and I can’t wait.
“Everything I need is all inside me…it’s not too late.” (Solider-by Goo Goo Dolls)
October 11, 2010 9:17 am