I’ve been through a lot in the last few years and ultimately I have learned so very much about God, about life, about love, and about myself. I am blown away by the truths that ring true inside of me. I struggled through hurt and pain and sorrow to fully open myself up to the truth inside. I have been broken so deeply to rise above and grow and become a person who loves deeper than I ever could. My pain and brokeness, my wrong choices….it has all made me. It has grown me to be the person I always dreamed to be. No…I am not perfect but am being perfected everyday by the one who truly loves me.
I was at a point of being tired of pretending I was ok. I was tried of acting like I knew it all. And yes I did it wrong by falling into sin but yet again…he caught me and taught me in that time. I feel I am a better christian now…no pretending because I am still an utter mess in some ways….seeing that it is all a process and I don’t have all the answers. but day by day by seeking Him and trusting I WILL grow and be the girl I fully dream of.
I no longer seek a love in this life…do I want love? Yes…of course but I have realized I do not want to create love from lies, from my dreams and misconceptions. I want REAL love. And guess what? I have that love in Christ. He is all I need. And one day when He sees fit, if He sees fit, I will have love here on earth in a husband. But I trust him to open that door for me at the right time. And now is not that time. I feel it so strongly in my bones, as I always have….God has more for me. He has something amazing. I am trying to not just sit and wait but I am also not trying to make things just happen for me. I am trying to find that balance of waiting and doing for my God. Only then will I fully receive the blessings he has for me.
I stand here now…a single girl in the world’s eyes…but with a full life of Christ, friends and family….so blessed. I stand here knowing he has so much more for me…so much life and love.
In the midst of my brokeness He held me. In my sin and rebellion, He taught me. He has loved me through it all when friends and family have not. He has held on, calling me back to Him with open arms of love. And because I allowed Him to…He has taught me and grew me and changed me. Yes…he even did this in the midst of my sin. I am a new creation truly in Him. I am the clay and everyday the potters hands are truly molding me, If allow Him to.
I stand here now…saying, “God show me the next step, so that I may live a full life, loving others and bringing you glory….”
I want to add a song here but have found EVERY song on the Tenth Avenue North cd is so amazing and feels like a song that belongs here for what I wrote and what I have felt. It truly is what happens When Light Meets the Dark!
healing begins: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFUHrXfuNU4
Strong Enough: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8gsTLF9pL4
The Truth is Who you are: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbJa361dTdU
All the pretty things: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waxgwlsutAs
Any other way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqO_dCfzBE4
On and on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APuNsloL-8o
Hearts Safe (a better way): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ku4jFaYlHE
house of Mirrors: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIdvxLoflZw&feature=related
Empty My Hands: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51Qi8k9aDrg
Thanks to YouTube and those who posted these songs on You tube and thanks to tenth Avenue North for having such deep heartful songs and music for our Lord…music that speaks of truth for those of us who have been broken and heart…and just needed to see that light can meet the dark and heal all our pain inside.