I just listened to the song, Confessions of a Broken Heart by Linday Lohan and I feel all I did growing up. I see the images. I feel the pain. I remember. And it is amazing because I can talk about the absue my Mom endure. I have forgiven my Dad and have a great relationship with him now. I don’t realize how much it can still hurt and be so real.
So, in helping a friend right now in a domestic violence situation, in helping her get away from her boyfriend, in taking in her daughter and her, in loving them’ in putting my life on hold in so many ways and changing my life, in being stressed and in even possible danger, in all of this, I know it is worth it. It is worth it to help her be set free. It is worth it so her daughter endures no more of the pain. For I had at least 12 years of it, where she has only had 2 1/2. And yes those 2 1/2 years have been rough but now she is freed from having to see her Mom be choked, hit, slapped, deemeaned. She will have a better life becasue of this. She will have more self worth. The only step now is if her dad doesn’t want anything to do with her to help her to see she is worth love.
You see I grew up in the abuse off and on and it was very violent. I also just wanted my Dad to love me. And he really didn’t for years. I was lucky in that I seem to just be strong and not give in to some things. So I didn’t seek love in sexual ways and have a lot of partners or do drugs. But I did and still have the tendency to give my heart too much. To try to make someone love me and I see the good in someone and think they will change. I know this comes from my past. Luckily I have learned this and know that I did miss out on a Dad but I chose to look at the good. I also see that no matter what I am loved, maybe not as I want to be, or by who I want to be but I am loved. God loves me and has given me family and friends who love me dearly. And I will not settle.
So now my goal with my friend and her daughter is to help them see that. To help them see they don’t have to settle, or give in, or hurt. To help them see that they don’t need a man. To help them see they are strong. It is a gift, such a gift to use my past, my hurt, and my pain, to help someone else. To love them. It is a gift. God truly brings good from all the bad, if we just allow him too.
These are my confessions of a broken heart, healed. For I refuse to remain broken.