I sit here and words form in my mind. My natural way of writing; poetic words that flow together. Words that breathe the life in me. Words that are free. I want to write more. I want to write novels and stories and I will continue to try but those feel like work and this writing, well, it feels like life. I feel alive and free. I feel open to be me. I fell I touch more this way. I am not sure if I will ever write a novel but it is okay because I write in other ways. I write truth. I write dreams. I write belief. I write love. I write heartache. I write to get it all out. I write to be free. I write to touch those around me. So we will see where this all goes. We will see if my writing ever gets published and again that is up to me. We will see who these words touch, change and help through. I listen as music plays and as I type the words and I feel complete. I feel excited, happy and alive. My chest has that deep feeling I can’t even describe and I am at home. I am free. I am alive to be me. I am open to all God has for me. I am learning how to truly be a christian; not a clone, but Christian. A real person who loves my God, My Savior and serves Him with all of me. In art, in music, in reaching out, in loving, in my words on a page. I am in a limbo place right now but will grow, for I know God is teaching me and showing me how ot be the Christian I desire and dream to be. Truly free in Christ. I can’t even describe what this means to be and all I envision Christianity to be. I guess it is best seen in Christ. He knew how to tell in love that people where in sin. he wasn’t afraid o be open. He healed the sick and broken,. He ate with sinners. He loved. And he never faltered in His belief. He never wavered and yet he did it all in utter and complete love. I want to be like Christa nd I believe we can be. He came in human form for a reason. he came to show us the way. he truly is our example and his way of life is not unattainable. I want christ’s way, not the churches way. I believe a book I am reading defines this better than I can. And it is refreshing to see my favorite author to believe the same, to believe in the more we can be.
If Jesus of Nazareth was God become truly ma nfor us, as I believe he was, then we should be able to walk on water, to heal the sick, even to accept the Father’s answers to our prayers when it is not the answer we hope for, when it is no. Jesus begged in anguish that he be spared the bitter cup and then humbly added, “but not as I will, Father; as you will.”
This is how I wish to live, How I believe we can all live; like Christ.
1-20-10 9:10 pm
excerpt taken from Walking on Water by Madeleine L’Engle pg. 21