So again I am going thorugh this humbling and realizing I am in this job as a Social Worker for a reason and God has a plan. I need to see how I can be used where I am and trust God has awesome plans for me and stop trying to do it on my own. I am not saying we sit back and wait…NO! I need to study, I need to take the GRE I need to look into school but I also NEED to be grateful for what I have here and NOW! This is life. It is like that quote by John Lennon, “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.” I don’t want to keep dreaming so much that I never live!! I want to be one of those people who throws myself into the tasks at hand and lives! I want to reach those lost souls…well guess what they are def. all around me in Social Work. And God has given me not only a compassionate hard but a boldness. I sometimes feel like a B*tch. Yes…I know a bad word…but I do b/c it is like I get the tough cases or pulled in to tell someone some tough news. They laugh at me when I have to “jump” on a client….and I was feeling bad about it and this lady told me…you can handle those clients…and you are nto a B*tch…you are feisty. So, I see I have to watch how I use it but I am lucky to be compassionate and bold when needed. I just need more love and compassion as over the last few months I felt myself putting up a barrier to block out the hurt I felt. Now I knwo I will feel this hurt. Even thought I don’t want to be with my ex I will hurt but it doesn’t have to make me bitter or hard hearted. I want to go forth loving AGIAN…b/c I used to so much. iw ant to LEARN how to be a light to these lost souls I come in contact with each and everyday. I want to stop wanting the easy life and just start living for Christ. AND I want to STOP fearing EVERYTHING…the future, getting stuck here, never finding love, being a Mom and even taking this trip to Utah (yes I am still afraid the plane si going to crash–ahhhh!) I just want to live in the freedom of Christ and break this bondage that chains me downa nd has my whole life. So, with that I am doing a Bible Study…Breaking Free, by beth Moore. and I already love it (just day 2–hmmmmmm maybe I should start a separate blog about this..hmmm) Any who, I am becoming closer friends with this amazing lady at church and we are supporting each other and it is awesome!!! I am too blessed and do not deserve one ounce of it! But God loves me where I am and I am grateful. So here is to a New Year, 2010…life will be better, things will change and God will get all the praise!
1-7-09 12:44 am.