I just watched a movie, America, and I say to anyone out there reading this…watch it and know that this is the life so many of our children lead. I was humbled and touched by the movie and that urge in me to help people was ripped open again. What will I do with it? I am not sure. I am burnt out in so many ways. Helping others, whether it be family or friends….and with work as a social worker. But I see I am in a place to reach hurting people. To help families and to protect children. Am I doing my job? Not like I should. Not as God has called me to. Not as Jesus would. I do not want to do this my whole life. I want to be a writer for me. I want to get out of this town for me. But what is God’s way for me? I am torn. For my heart aches to help people. And I am not sure what that is. Maybe I will go to NYC and go to school to be a writer but be in an outreach with a church, local shelter, etc and reach people. Maybe I will stay here and go further in my education geared towards kids….I really don’t know. I just know I am humbled. I just see God gave me a heart of love for children, a heart of mercy for people and I have let it slip b/c of our system (which by the way is a joke….it only feeds poverty….feeds parents not being parents…..but it is our system). I am asking God to please show me how to live and be. How to intertwine all this desires in my heart. I am asking God to make me wholly His. I am asking God to give me a new heart,w here mine has been hardened by brokeness, stress, pain, and the system. I know I can do better in this ministry He has placed me in. I can.
And finally, pray for the about 1/2 a million children in foster care. Pray for the children who are abused. Pray for the Moms that need a hand, pray for those parents lost in drugs or their own pain to be parents to their children. Pray for the social workers, who get burned out by the system, the paper work, the stupid rules. Pray they will stay strong, pray they won’t overlook, pray they will have wisdom and then pray for a change in our messed up system. Pray for the kids again…..those who “will hold the hand of anyone kind enough to offer it.”