Ok, so just being truthful…..I am angry! So angry! Yes I am in an anger..the first in this like 17 month process….I am angry with him. I want to scream “You suck! You are a jerk! Why? Why was I not enough?!  I mean what about your part? Why is all the blame on me? How could you promise me forever and then leave? How?” AHHHHHHH!!!! I feel so angry. Yet I still love him! I still pray for him but I am angry. “I gave you everything and you crapped on me. Left me with bills, no real reason and a broken heart. How when I gave you all I could and knew to give! I saved it for you and it did not even matter to you. I find it funny your family can crap on you and yet you stay her son and his brother but life gets a little rough here and you walk out on me…your family. Why? Because it is acceptable in this culture to leave your wife if you are simply not happy in that moment. Forget about the 500 million hours of happiness, laughs, and love and all that could be. The sad thing is I am not sure if you will ever have it…giving up so easy…mariage is work and is so worth it.  I tried to give you everything your heart desired, toys, business’s, a motorcycle and the list goes on….. and it was not enough…I was not enough. And then you become friends with my ex friend..hmmm…what is that about…and how could you top the cake with that?”  Yeah I am angry so flippin angry!!!

 Okay…so I let some out. And the great thing is I can be honest with my God about this. I tell him…I shout and then he comforts me and guides me……so I am a Christian and yes I am angry with my huband for being a coward and walking out when thinsg got a little rough.

10-22-09 12:30 am   posted in Missing My Love


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