Becoming a Servant of Christ–TRULY

Okay, so here are my new words……

I know why I am confused. I know why I feel lost. I know why I feel angry…. drum roll…..

I am NOT seeking God. I am NOT listening to Him. I am trying to do it my way. I am trying to do what I want. I want writing for me instead of for glorfying Christ. And I want Christ more than anything…truly I do and yet I let my flesh take over and have its way and I become miserable. The same is in the area of my marriage….I am not seeking God and doing what He says. I am doing what the world tells me. God says PRAY for your husband, love him in spite of all the pain and trust me…AND I have done the opposite lately. I mean look at all I have done to Christ, how many times I have broken His heart and I must love my husband as He loved me. He knows how I feel and HE is my comfort and strength and guidance through this!I may be  tired of the hurt and pain but ultimately look at Christ, look at PAul, look at Abraham…..I want that faith and life.  I want to live that. So, I am going to seek Christ and no worry about myself. I am going to PRAY for my husband and my marriage for God tells me too…God HAS NOT released me from it. And I do still love my husband and I do see all he can be IN Christ! I see it and maybe we will work out or maybe we won’t but for now I must do what Christ says. I already feel better and more alive. In this moment I have made that decison and want to stick with it. I do not like who Iam becoming by not serving Him. I am angry, lost, confused, self centered, I let cuss words slip, I gossip and I DO NOT LIKE IT!!!

My purpose is to Live for Christ to be a servant……

I want that and will live that.

I can still be a deep thinker, a writier, a souful person and serve Him….the truth is I will be mroe ME in that and my life will be more fullfilled…

Lord God, help me to serve you. Help me to truly follow you not my flesh and this world. Please God give me the strength, wisdom, guidnace and help to live for YOU. I am tired of living for oyu for a moment and then turnign to my ways. Help me Go please. I love you so much. I wnat to see you glorified. Iw ant to see people set free.  Iwant to reach out and love the lost. Help me be content in this joba nd see it and live it as a mission field. Help me to just serve you and glorify you oh God…..I love you…

 

9-14-09  11:16 am

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