Okay, so I NEED to be working and am staying over to get myself back into gear and into the daily grind. All I can say…paperwork sucks! LOL!
Anyway, I turn on the music I love –the deep kind and just felt the need to write. I guess I want to say I am getting to be so strong and I love it. This new strength and life I feel inside. I do however feel I am walking from God and not to him and I DO NOT want that. For every time I do that, I lose myself and lose life. I tend to walk into the arms of some man to full fill me when I turn from my God. I just want to live the life He has for me and live it to the fullest and I am so uncertain of what that life is. As always, I feel TORN. Torn between who I am, who I want to be, who others want me to be. I feel torn between what God wants me to do and where I am to be. I feel content with a decisonand then change my mind again. I just want to seek Christ and live for Him. I want to love others with all my heart. I want to write, I want to have blue hair. I want to LIVE. Yet, in the process I do not want to be self consumed. I do not want to leave or hurt those I love. I do not want to miss out on my family …ahhhhhh……confusion! One day one day one day…….
9-9-09 5:49 pm