Learning and Growing

Here I am learning and growing more than I ever have in my entire life.  It is beauty complete.  I’ve realized the secret to life, a content life and it is so simple. Are you ready??? Here it is…..Christ.  Yeah, that’s it.  Full surrender to Christ. Trust me it is the only way.  I have spent years searching for myself, trying to be every-ones everything and then I lost it all…..yeah…I did. I lost my world, my husband. He walked out and I never thought he would.  I then chose to seek Christ.  And I wouldn’t change it.  I am fulfilled and it is complete joy and beauty.  I can’t fully describe it.  It is what the word speaks of…being free in Christ.  Everyone thinks being a Christian restrains and I guess Christians have had a par t in this.  I know I did.  When I wasn’t living for Christ I judged and was unhappy and poured the law out on everyone but the Word says that Christ came to set us free, not condemn. And the law, it only condemns.  This freedom does not give us the freedom to sin and live in sin….no it is so much more.  It is life, beauty grace.  When you fully surrender your heart to Christ something happens inside.  It is a process…it has taken me four months to get to this simple but great truth and I will spend my whole life seeking to know Him more and more.  You see, Christ is to fill ALL the voids inside. He comes and heals and delivers and transforms us into new creations.  And there is no way to describe it.  I am me but transformed.  My basic personality is there but I am free. I feel stronger and more able to handle life.  I feel alive for the first time, ever.  Really alive.  And when I sin I feel that conviction, not condemnation, but that loving conviction and I seek forgiveness and ask for help and guidance.  I seek Christ in prayer everyday and in the word and it comes freely.. It is not a chore…I want to spend time with Him.  I can not describe it for it is a personal experience with our God. 

My husband is gone and I love him…I do.  I miss and do wish him to be home…..BUT I am okay. It is strange, I am at peace with whatever comes. I feel I have done all I can and it is in God’s hands.  I have learned so much about love and marriage and Christ that  will not walk away from this situation with any void. I will only be a better person.  I am stronger.  I have learned who I am. I have learned how I let others dictate my life quietly.  I was a co-dependent and am not now.  I see how I need my dreams, my friends and I love it.  I am young and need to live life.  I want my husband here but I can’t make it happen. And I do not want to.  Love is a decision and I have chose to love my husband and if he chooses not to love me then I can’t change that.  Forgiveness and love are choices and if he chooses them he really loves me if not…then he does not. I have forgiven much and I still choose to love. I forgave much before we married.  For I have always seen that amazing man God created him to be.  I have realized he has to see that for himself and seek Christ on his own….I can not do it for him. 

So, here I am growing and learning and realizing I am blessed.  I am full of love, life, grace and mercy.  I am okay in Christ.  No matter what comes, as long as I cry out to Him I am okay. I am a strong woman in Christ…FINALLY!  Finally I am free and being me! Life is beautiful!  Life in Christ is Loving Life!

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